Abraham Joshua Heschel said: “A person is what he aspires for. In order to know myself, I ask: What are the ends I am striving to attain? What are the values I care for most?”

I want you to really think about this statement because it makes a bold and profound assertion about WHO you are.

Normally, we think a person is however they act. If a person acts a certain way then those actions define that person. If a person lost their temper today then they are a hothead. If a person bought their spouse a gift today for no particular reason they that person is thoughtful and generous. Our actions define us, right?

And if we want to be a different person we usually think we have to wait until we behave differently.

In short, conventional wisdom says: you are what you do. And there’s a lot of truth and value in that thinking.

But Heschel in his statement above asserts that we are what we want to be. Do you want to be patient? If so, then you just became patient. Want to be sensitive? If so, you just became more sensitive. Your VISION for yourself to some extent defines who you are even before you realize that vision.

Amazing idea, isn’t it? And it’s so true.

Did you ever meet someone who dreams big? Somehow the dreams alone define who they are…even before their dreams come true.

Every day I meet people who got a harsh wake up call and are determined to become great spouses. The only thing that’s really changed is their conviction. But if you had the chance to talk to them like I do you’d realize that they are already that great spouse. The fact that they’re committed to being a champion spouse already changed the type of spouse they are.

Your assignment for this week? Pick one thing you WANT to be different about yourself and announce it to your spouse.

Do you want to help out around the house more often? Tell your spouse that that’s who you want to be.

Do you want to be more physically affectionate? Let your spouse know that you’re committed to doing more tough changes.

Today I want you to aspire to one change in your life. What you aspire for says a lot about who you are even before you fulfill your aspirations.

Have a great week!

Mort Fertel
Author & Founder of Marriage Fitness.

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About the Author

Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.


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