Everyone shows affection in their own unique way. And everyone likes to be shown affection in a certain way too. The question is: Do you show affection in the way your spouse likes to be shown it? In other words, do you show your affection effectively?

To show affection effectively, you have to express affection in the way your spouse likes to be shown it.

If your spouse needs physical affection, but you give only verbal affirmation… that won’t work. Expressing affection is a form of communication. Well, the first rule of communication in marriage is to ‘speak’ in the language your spouse understands. If your spouse understands touch, then touch. If your spouse understands poems, then write poems. If your spouse understands thoughtful gifts, then give thoughtful gifts.

They say that Albert Einstein was a terrible teacher. It certainly wasn’t because he didn’t have wisdom to share. It was because he didn’t know how to share it in a way that others could understand.

This is the challenge of a parent too. We have so much to offer our children in the way of knowledge, information, and wisdom. But how do you give what you got to a 5 year old? To a 10 year old? To a 15 year old? To a 30 year old?

As the years go by, a parent has to be able to adjust THE WAY they teach their children to accommodate their changing capacity to learn. Sharing, for example, is a timeless teaching. But if you really want to impart the value of sharing on your children, it’s crucial to understand how to teach that lesson when they’re 5 and how to teach it differently when they’re 15.

In order to express your affection effectively in your marriage, you have to adjust your METHOD of communication to match the way your spouse needs to be shown affection.

1. List the 2 primary ways you demonstrate or express your affection to your spouse.

2. Ask your spouse what are the two top ways they prefer to be shown affection.

3. Compare your findings from 1 and 2 above.

4. Express affection EFFECTIVELY to your spouse at least twice this week by demonstrating your affection in EXACTLY the way they like it to be shown.

5. If you think your spouse would be open to it, show them this exercise and invite them to go through it too so that you will be expressed affection in the way you prefer it to be shown.

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About the Author

Mort Fertel

Mort Fertel is a world authority on the psychology of relationships and has an international reputation for saving marriages. In addition to working with couples, he teaches individuals how to single-handedly transform their marital situation.


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