Landing in theaters this Friday from director Alex Proyas and Summit Entertainment is the spectacle of “Gods of Egypt.”

It is a time of change in Egypt as Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is about to crowned the new king. Surrounded by the people he will serve and the other deities the crown is almost on his head — almost.

Uncle Set (Gerard Butler) arrives to give nephew a gift that includes murder and a take over of the throne. To make sure Horus isn’t a problem, Set takes the eyes of Horus stripping him of any powers. Set makes the announcement that all will follow him or perish, that includes Hathor (Elodie Yung), Mistress of the West and lover to Horus.

Watching the horror is Bek (Brenton Thwaites), a young mortal with his love Zaya (Courtney Eaton). Now slaves to the new ruler, Bek wants nothing more than to rescue Zaya from master builder Urshu (Rufus Sewell).

Believing the only way to do that is to return sight to Horus, the two embark on a journey that will take them to the underworld, on a search for wisdom with Thoth (Chadwick Boseman) and to the heavens to seek counsel from Ra (Geoffrey Rush). If you think Set is going to take this all without flexing a muscle — you’d be so very wrong.

While Bek and Horus move closer to Set, it is only a matter of time before they clash for an epic battle to save the people of Egypt!

Butler as Set is an uncle who has serious Ra-daddy issues. Jealousy seems to be his main problem and thus begins the reason behind his little tantrums, lashing out with sharp objects, making the life of his ex miserable, unresolved daddy-loved-you-more rages all leading up to a narcissism bath while thinking the world owes him something. This is Leonidas evil twin only wearing a bit more and the immortals wear red. Hey, Butler still looks good!

Coster-Waldau as Horus is a spoiled little brat who lays around thinking the world is his oyster and that the little people are at his Bek and call. Not taking the role of King seriously enough he blows a horn and loses his eyes. Sulking in the ruins Jamie Lannister must learn to see again with only one good eye — oh wait, I mean Horus. Lying to get what he wants, upset that his deity girlfriend didn’t wait around pining for him, unable fetch his own water and misleading mortals is a full time job for a vengeful not-yet king.

Thwaites as Bek is a fairly straight forward mortal hero who isn’t all that impressed by the large gold-oozing gods. In fact, he seems down right irritated with them and doesn’t even have the decency to fall under their spells — what nerve! Thwaites has a great sense of humor and adventure and seems to have it together way more than his ‘superiors’.

Yung as Hathor is just a chick in a bad dress who avoids the underworld like the plague by wearing very expensive jewelry and bedding the enemy to keep her head. Yep, that about sums her up. Eaton as Zaya was just to dumb for her own good and ends up trekking along creepy roads with Anubis who seems to be on peasant escort duty.

Sewell as Urshu is a bad guy who happens to build pretty cool structures; then again we’ve always known Sewell can play a good bad guy. Boseman as Thoth is self-centered wisdom seeker with an ear damaging accent who can’t answer a riddle the first time to humongous sand dog. Yep, the mortal has to remind a deity to think like a mortal to save the lives of the gods — huh?

Finally, Rush as Ra, I mean what is there to say. How could Rush pass up an opportunity to wear a very cool grey braid, zap what looks to be a coal dust sand worm on a nightly basis, and boat around the universe on top of Tinker bells fairy dust!

TUBS OF POPCORN: I give “Gods of Egypt” two and a half tubs of popcorn out of five. I have a list a mile long but will try to keep it all in perspective. First, the sound quality of the film is loud music that drowns out the dialogue in the beginning. I still can’t tell you what was said. The narration is confusing to the point of madness and I’m not sure if it was what was said or how it was said that made me crazy.

The money obviously went into making this film a huge CGI spectacle and that’s where the film goes wrong. I have seen all of these special effects before (and yes I have a list of films if you want it) so there was nothing special about them. The film relies on that so heavily it is almost as if the characters and dialogue come in a distance tenth to everything else.

I truly wanted to like the film, I even chuckled a few times because there is humor in it but everything else is just a hot mess. For example, in the beginning — why are the bathers the size of hobbits? Why are the deities looking in the same direction as the mortals yet the mortals are five feet shorter? What was up with Hathor’s hideous outfit? Is Leonidas having a midlife crisis? Is Jamie Lannister losing more body parts? Yea, the list is endless.

Admittedly, if it weren’t for Butler and Coster-Waldau I would have left the theatre 15 minutes into the film. I came for beef-cake and that’s what I got in gold.

In the end — the battle for eternity begins!

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About the Author

Jeri Jacquin

Jeri Jacquin covers film, television, DVD/Bluray releases, celebrity interviews, festivals and all things entertainment.